“…my mother died. I was with her. She is with me”

Photographer Masaru Goto is the Edge of Humanity Magazine contributor of this documentary photography. From his project ‘Shi Ki‘. To see Masaru’s body of work click on any photograph.

Spring

A personal note:

The characters that are pronounced “Shi Ki” can have two meanings. One is “four seasons”. Over four seasons I watched my mother fade away. Another meaning is “time of death”. At the end of those four seasons, my mother died. I was with her. She is with me.

Summer

Shi Ki

I saw cherry trees in full blossom outside the hospital room window.

Mother, lying in bed, looking at the same view, said, “I might not see the cherry trees next year.”

When the cherry blossoms began to fall, she prepared for death. She wrote a will. Accepted her fate. Cried in secret. She was dignified and beautiful.

As the temperatures rose and the trees grew full and green, my mother lost weight, became emaciated. We walked under the trees, she in a wheelchair. Enjoying the early summer scenery, she smiled her best smile.

By the time the leaves had turned the bright colors of early autumn, she was hovering between life and death. Without speaking, I talked to her. Opened my heart. Eventually, the leaves fell from the trees, coloring the ground red, and my mother slipped calmly into a deep sleep.

Since then, snow has fallen. Winter has turned again to spring. And the cherry tree has begun to bloom again.

Autumn