Killing Myself

Edge of Humanity Magazine

10 months ago

Photographer Rudransh Nagi is the Edge of Humanity Magazine contributor of this photo essay. From the project ‘Killing Myself’. To see Rudransh’s body of work, click on any photograph.

A single flash of light breaks the blackness in the images. The light creates a circle on the black ground, which illuminates every object. The innocence of the toys, for example, a tank that is broken and scratched, or a brand-new military airplane. The calming feeling of putting your head on a wrinkled pillow. The healing properties of an antiseptic plastic bottle. Taking a relaxing bath in a bathtub. Using a blade to cut paper for your projects. Tall towers like the leaning tower of Pisa create an unforgettable memory of a trip. For me, each of these objects had a different meaning. They are a symbolic representation of my thoughts. They personify the ways I thought of killing myself at the age of 14 to 16.

Blackness in the images is a symbol of the darkness I had in my life. Life was killing me, and the only light was to commit suicide. This struggle was part of my everyday life. These thoughts became more and more creative in those 2 years, like joining the army or air force so that I could die for my country and make my parents proud. Each line under the image shows the exact thought I used to have while contemplating using one of the methods. Those were the soothing thoughts of killing myself.

Dying for my country would be a honorable death

But I will join the Air Force, at least my parents would be proud

An accidental photographer born in New Delhi, India, in 1990. He became a photographer after watching Saturn and Jupiter through a telescope in 2007. After attaining political science and sociological degrees, he went to Paris, where he studied photography at Spéos. Then, he attended his two years of MFA in Photography in Florence, Italy (2019-2021). His goal is to use the photographic documentary language to witness and create a record of sociologically and anthropologically relevant situations. Rudransh also is interested in conceptual/diaristic uses of photography to represent his own psychological life. His current works entail all the genres mentioned above.

Rudransh has been published for Fashion editorial works in Selin Magazine, Dolce Magazine Spain, Inframe Magazine, Appointment Magazine, The Vigour, Vanguard, Hollyway, Quadro, and Beneath Your Beautiful with interviews and front and back cover features. He was also a guest on the Frames Magazine Photography Podcast in April 2023 and will soon be coming out as a guest with The Nerdy Photographer Podcast in June, talking about the Indian market. He was also a Judge for a Photography Competition for the Political Science Department Fest 'Politika' at the Delhi College of Arts and Commerce. In 2021 and 2023, he exhibited his work in Florence, Italy, and Rhode Island, respectively. He exhibited his work 'Where My Home Is', organized by Luna Arts - Synchronicity, 'Where Good Things Come To Die', organized by Retro Kolkata at World Photo Carnival, 2024, and at the 133rd Bombay Art Society Exhibition held at Jahangir Art Gallery, Bombay, 11-17 March 2025. He has also won several awards in the Analog, Documentary, and Architecture categories in different competitions. He is also the founder of Circulo Collective and SNRN Photo.

All images and text © Rudransh Nagi