Written by C. J. Anderson-Wu

Half a century after my wrongful incarceration, I am deemed as a fighter, a model dissident during the dark era of authoritarianism, and a hero.

The daily threat from the authorities did not break me, the hopelessness did not break me, and the torment did not break me. My courage is praised, my stories are documented, and my name is cleared.

But why did I survive, while my pal—who stood by my side during our protests against the injustices of the regime—did not? We conceived the slogans, hand-printed the brochures, and spread them secretly together. We were arrested on the same day, at the same place.

If the punishment given by the ruler was baseless, why was he less lucky than I? Did he think I betrayed him before the end of his life?

Every day in the prison, I was ready to follow in his footsteps. And my release many years later did not set me free. Did I unintentionally disclose something resulting in his death? Was I spared because I was a coward, compared to his bravery?

Should I confess before I die? I don’t deserve to be respected like a fighter, a role model, or a hero. Whenever I think of my pal, the martyr, my tears burn my soul.

Will I find forgiveness, be it in paradise or in hell?

Author’s Note:
During the era of White Terror in Taiwan, tens of thousands of political dissidents were arrested, imprisoned or executed. Although they have been redressed after the lifting of Martial Law, the truths of the oppression are still buried, including the arbitrary penalties imposed by the regime at that time. It leaves victims of wrongful persecution in doubts, regrets, and survivor’s guilt.

Text © C. J. Anderson-Wu

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