Written by Biff Mitchell
It was the world’s first annual international holiday
and everybody was excited
from Bamako and Brazzaville to Port Moresbury and Bellefontaine
from Hobart and Managua to Kalymnos andTurpan
from Derbent and London to Hemer and Dahaban
From Fredericton and San Lucas to Bangor and Dunhuang
everybody was excited
It was the world’s first annual international holiday
a day for child soldiers in Burma to lay down their guns and write home to their parents
a day for babies dying from starvation in the Sudan to stop starving and smile and gurgle like babies do
a day for bankers on Wall Street to stop stealing money from the poor and buy chocolate at the neighborhood co-op
a day for wife beaters everywhere to do the dishes and laundry and bring home flowers
a day for politicians around the world to take a break from lying and read The Road Less Traveled
a day to lay down machetes and dance with the children
a day for warring neighbors to shake hands and exchange recipes
a day for gadget slaves to lay down their iPhones and go for a long walk in the woods,
naked
It was the world’s first annual international holiday
and the day started off sunny on one side of the planet
and dark (but clear-skied) on the other
there were no tsunamis, hurricanes, blizzards or tornadoes
no volcanoes, limnic eruptions, earthquakes, floods or forest fires
no outbreaks of Ebola, e-coli or flu
no mudslides, avalanches, droughts or famines
no Extinction Level Events
no riots, arrests, seizures or crackdowns
no bankruptcies, scams, economic crises, investor paranoia or lack of fiduciary prudence
no wars, police actions, diplomatic breakdowns or terrorist attacks
no scandals, ru mors, publicity stunts, divorces or cover-ups
not a single spontaneous combustion of a human being
and everybody agreed that the absence of bad news in the media was exciting
It was the world’s first annual international holiday
and for once nobody was calling the shots
nobody said, “You cannot eat meat on this propitious day.”
nobody said, “You have to get up early and wear your best socks.”
nobody said, “We’ll all meet at the meeting place for speeches and PowerPoint presentations.”
nobody asked for tickets
nobody asked for ID
nobody asked for passports or references
nobody asked questions or doubted another’s word
nobody cast suspicion
and everybody had fun doing their own thing
It was the world’s first annual international holiday
and people were passing things out
they passed out smiles
they passed out hugs and kisses
they passed out free stuff like ice cream and hot chicken samosas and chocolate coated
ants
they passed out WOWgrams
they passed out cards for every occasion
they passed out absolution
they passed out free passes to concerts
they passed out papers for safe passage through dangerous territories
they passed out recognition and pats on the back
they passed out shoulders to cry on and ears that would listen
some, overcome by the excitement, simply passed out
after which, the face paint was passed out J
It was the world’s first annual international holiday
and everybody danced to whatever rhythm they danced
drums beat out around the world to whatever rhythm the drummers beat
there were parades in the streets and celebrations in hostels around the world
piñatas hung from trees wherever there were trees
every wrist wore the Martenitsa and every hand held a sparkler
there was bean throwing and pumpkin seed spitting
young and old wore costumes and sang songs in foreign languages
fireworks filled the skies over streets painted in red and white stripes
candles and incense and bowls of hot punch spilled over the curbs
oceans of smiles flooded the streets and alleys and gurgled up from the sewers
the earth vibrated madly with excitement and goodwill and the approaching aliens nodded approval and called off the cleansing
It was the world’s first annual international holiday
and the hangover lasted a few hours into the next day
before the babies began to starve again
and the children picked up their guns
Text © Biff Mitchell
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