Written by Phillip Woodruff
warning! these true stories are based on loose lips, unshaved characters
scripture translated from crop circles, fast food menus
and all the stuff stuck to the bottom of my shoe
true story every time i buy new shoes i have to learn to walk again
giggle and gimbal, stumble over curbs, each foot a conjoined stranger
the fun never ends
until it ends
flatfooted again
true story i have no use for politicians, but that’s not true
sometimes i run out of toilet paper
true story i’m not running for mayor of truthtown, i’m not managing
a health food store, i don’t sleep inside a fortune cookie
true story i see two moons tonight
one in the sky and one in the lake
and drunk enough to swim for it
true story a man and a woman holding hands in a deli
pretending they’re not going to devour each other
true story i wrote a dozen emails, all in my head, which has no wi-fi
so you probably didn’t get them
true story i took the last trash bag from the box, and put the box in the bag
true story i only sleep in pictures of beds
final warning
all these warnings may be hazardous to the osmosis of spontaneous true story
true story, all these warnings were translated from chinese toaster oven safety
labels with an industry standard garage sale ouija board
(caution plug securely or power cord be detached in set
else crisscross wires fix with fork and feel emergency
call god immediately, also, avoid soft drinks)
but let us not be warned
let immortal monkey gods deliver us onto random doorsteps
let us midnight snack a greasy half-burnt sunset last supper of summer
let us creature around in secret vehicles under a suicide of blue sky
let us go all weather, all together
and forget to do our laundry
Text © Phillip Woodruff
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