Written by Phillip Woodruff



warning! these true stories are based on loose lips, unshaved characters

scripture translated from crop circles, fast food menus 

and all the stuff stuck to the bottom of my shoe 


true story every time i buy new shoes i have to learn to walk again

giggle and gimbal, stumble over curbs, each foot a conjoined stranger

the fun never ends

until it ends 

flatfooted again 


true story i have no use for politicians, but that’s not true

sometimes i run out of toilet paper

true story i’m not running for mayor of truthtown, i’m not managing

a health food store, i don’t sleep inside a fortune cookie

true story i see two moons tonight

one in the sky and one in the lake

and drunk enough to swim for it


true story a man and a woman holding hands in a deli

pretending they’re not going to devour each other

true story i wrote a dozen emails, all in my head, which has no wi-fi

so you probably didn’t get them

true story i took the last trash bag from the box, and put the box in the bag

true story i only sleep in pictures of beds 


final warning 

all these warnings may be hazardous to the osmosis of spontaneous true story 

true story, all these warnings were translated from chinese toaster oven safety 

labels with an industry standard garage sale ouija board

(caution plug securely or power cord be detached in set

else crisscross wires fix with fork and feel emergency

call god immediately, also, avoid soft drinks)


but let us not be warned

let immortal monkey gods deliver us onto random doorsteps 

let us midnight snack a greasy half-burnt sunset last supper of summer 

let us creature around in secret vehicles under a suicide of blue sky

let us go all weather, all together

and forget to do our laundry


Text © Phillip Woodruff



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