Photographer Olga Steinepreis is the Edge of Humanity Magazine contributor of this photo essay. From the ongoing project ‘I’ve Had A Dream’. To see Olga’s body of work, click on any photograph.

I’ve been on maternity leave for 9 years, the last three of which I’m a mother of three children. My daily grind seems endless, and it absorbs me. I am trying to be a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my children. At least, I attempt to conform to these roles. I cook and strive to keep the house tidy, not to say I’ve been burying myself into books that deal with child’s psychology to become a so-called professional mum.

Sometimes, I even feel like I’m succeeding, but most of the time, I feel overwhelmed by the daily chores, and my efforts to become a better version of myself seem futile. No matter how hard I try, I can’t always communicate with my children relying on all the tips given in the books, possibly because I’m a human being and I feel some situations differ from what the books suggest.

In all social networks, as well as in the media, I see beautiful mothers of many children. They dance or go to the gym, handle conflicts with kids perfectly, go on romantic dinners with their husband, and seem to do it all! Why do I seem to be unable to do anything!?! Will I ever be able to reach this golden standard? Is it actually necessary? How realistic is this image, and who has decided that it should be this way? Perhaps some people fully dedicate themselves to motherhood and find happiness in it. Apart from spending time with my beloved children, I have other interests that captivate me, and I want to dedicate time to them, too. However, whenever I do that, there always appears someone’s judgmental look or even a word, regarding the mess in my house. And I feel ashamed again, thinking that I’m setting my priorities incorrectly. No, I shouldn’t get out of my head this “perfect mother” image! I have three children, and it seems like I no longer belong to myself. I just need to try a bit harder!

The truth is I’m so exhausted that I have no desire to fit in this demanding stereotype. I don’t want to be perfect. I want to live a life in which my feelings, interests and goals matter.

And once I have a dream…

Olga Steinepreis (born 1981 in Novorossiysk, Russia) has lived in Freigericht, Germany since 2013. She became a finalist and category winner in many competitions e.g. Lensculture Black & White Photography Awards 2022, Kuala Lumpur Int. Photoawards 2023, Life Framer Open Call 2023 and others. In 2023, one of her projects was shortlisted by the Bar-Tur Photo Awards. Her works were exhibited in Munich (Germany), Glasgow (Scottland), Kuala Lumpur (Malaisia) and other cities.

“I take self-portraits and reflect on gender, motherhood and childhood.“

All images and text © Olga Steinepreis