Written by Life Coach Carioca Da Gema
A couple we knew years ago was able to synchronize their two weeks’ vacation.
“I’m dreading spending all this time with my husband, we never took more than a weekend together during our entire marriage”. Nina said.
The time off went by without a hitch. But quarantine at home is far from a vacation in the Greek Islands and many couples are falling apart at the seams as the tension rises in the household.
It’s important for couples having problems navigating 24 hours together to know that they are not alone and this problem is normal. Domestic violence is already showing its ugly head throughout the landscape and we want to avoid that at all cost.
Adults are stressed, for many reasons. People are going to be irritated at the smallest things and in a household with married people, behavior can get nasty because there is so much baggage they naturally dragged going into this Coronavirus Quarantine.
I suggest to couples that cannot go an hour without negatively addressing with each other to STOP TALKING.
Preparing to go quiet
In a place where you both can talk; do the crying and the yelling. Do not be cruel and do not physically attack each other.
This session is not designed to solve any problems, it is a chance to vent out your thoughts because you are about to stop talking.
After you finished tossing your thoughts and feelings around, you may light a cigarette; have a beer or even sex.
Come back to the table; and this time put together a schedule, like people that have a job to do, a job that must be executed every day, so your lives and the lives of people around you can stabilize; and you can collectively endure this difficult, but indeed, a feasible endeavor.
Life without talking
You both should at this time have a chance to explain your frustrations and organized your practical lives. There will be no talking for now on. Refrain from saying “good morning”, which can be packed with our personal early day crankiness. Having sex is encouraged, dirty talk is fine pillow talk IS NOT.
As the days pass, chances are that even though you are still aggravated with your mate, you are also missing fragments of the companionship that only that person can provide.
DO NOT TALK TO EACH OTHER!
When you feel ready to start communicating again, do something nice and non-verbal instead. This is about you feeling good ; about approaching NOT about making your mate feel good about you reaching out. This way if your other half is not ready to reciprocate you won’t get hurt.
The goal here is to find that person you love in the mix of adversity, using actions instead of words. Without the need to talk one has a chance to recycle their emotions before hurtful words are spoken.
Keep the marriage on “bain marie”
Couples under quarantine should cool off, talk less, do singular activities and keep physical distance from each other. For now, park the history of your married life, so you can fully concentrate on making the best out of being quarantined under a pandemic.
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