Photographer Elena Liventseva is the Edge of Humanity Magazine contributor of this photo essay. From the project ‘Looking for my mother’. To see Elena’s body of work, click on any image.

My project is about closeness with my mom. During my childhood my mother was never there, and then she completely disappeared. I spent my childhood hiding from being labeled an “orphan” to protect myself.

In my memory, she remained young. I didn’t recognized her when we met after 15 years.

Everything changed when I found out about my mother’s childhood trauma. At the age of 12, she gave birth to a baby. But the baby girl drowned when she was 6 months old. It was a child’s sorrow over a child. Sorrow became a family secret that couldn’t be mentioned. Mom didn’t forgive herself; harming herself was easier than forgiving.

She hid her life in guilt, hopelessness, alcohol. Now the closeness with my mom continues to grow, although the past still interferes with us.

All images and text © Elena Liventseva

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