Written by Frankie Heartless
January made me a stranger to mornings, unable to sleep, drenched in decisions turned sour, heavy and rotten.
At my lowest point I am asked if I would like to come downstairs and paint sunflowers.
I am so confused by the question that I forget my grief and say yes.
I paint in silence, overwhelmed by the sense of calm. In that moment, I think of Vincent and in my head, I speak to him as though he is an old friend and we share a coffee over a small table, covered in our work, messy and intimate.
I think I understand now, I tell him.
Why you did what you did, why you chose yellow and why you looked for joy in flowers and skies.
He smiles sadly and tells me that I must go looking for joy when it will not come looking for me.
They thought you were an idiot while you were alive, but now your work is celebrated.
Many people think I’m an idiot too.
There is hope for me yet.
There is hope.
Text © Frankie Heartless
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