Written by Laura Benn
There is a sickening dread,
a panic,
and a gnawing kind of pain;
no more distraction
just grief
just the reality of your goneness.
It’s such a weird thing—death
so immensely small.
One day, one hour,
one tiny minute
concealed
within a lifetime.
8:02pm you disappeared,
I heard the man.
I watched as you gasped
your final raspy breath;
I waited as your chest fell flat;
the putrid smell clung
to my nostrils for days.
I cannot seem to escape your
vanishment,
it reaches into every nook and cranny.
I went back in the spring
and you were everywhere—
my bones wept.
People say you will stay in my heart
but I don’t know,
you seem to insist on roaming free,
bustling past me unannounced,
knocking me to my feet when I
least expect it.
Last week I cried in B&M.
There I was perusing plant pots
and gardening tools
when all of a sudden, there you were!
Your un-presence welling up inside me,
packing out my tears.
We seem completely out of step,
you
and I,
but how on earth
do I keep pace with
thin air?
Maybe one day we’ll find our stride?
I hope so.
Text © Laura Benn
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