Written by Life Coach Carioca Da Gema
We Americans love an apology. If it is owed to us we will ask for it, we will demand, and we will pursue until we get it. The lack of succeeding in receiving one will make some of us lose sleep and tell others about the ordeal.
While for some an insincere apology can backfire into a thread of apologies until one finally gets it right, others just want to hear the words.
For the extreme apologetic, the action works the other way around. They will also apologize for every event out of their own control that may disturb someone else like a bad weather day, a traffic jam, or a bad internet connection.
The emphasis of the apology required will likely differ depending on the person’s public image. Apologies from a God fearing, church going, elected public official, caught in the background of someone else’s selfie, enjoying a doobie in a hot tub, at an exclusive out of the way brothel, will not resemble the one a regular Joe will have to craft after been caught in the same situation.
The degree of an apology also depends on its origin. A negative action from someone that is not in your life with or without an apology will likely fade away.
If you really screw up, you may enter the forgiveness sphere of apology. Serious stuff! It can become biblical. Forgiveness is a great tool to keep the flock together. A clean slate after a conflict is vital to keep relationships going.
Let’s analyze the facts:
- Bob’s action has a negative effect on Kate.
- Bob apologizes and Kate accepts.
Then, we have the repeat offenders, people that do the same thing, all the time, apologizes for it, and we continuously accept it.
Let’s analyze that:
When you accept an apology or forgive someone, you are basically placing the person’s need to bury the hatchet above your right not to get over the infliction. Allow yourself to carry on with too many inflictions and you will become bitter and we do not want that for ourselves.
A positive and genuine apology will support dual necessity and benefit both sides. These apologies are usually between individuals with emotional connection and will help to promote a peaceful coexistence.
Although forgiveness is known to be therapeutic for the soul and religiously expected, forgetting is by far the most productive for one’s life. Many people go thru the apology and forgiveness dance and miss the implicit part of forgetting.
This article is part of the Rewind Series
“I will not make you dependent on me. My approach is to find alternative options under a circumstance and open new doors into a resolution of old problems. Clear the docket so you can see things from other angles as you absorb other possibilities. In time, after you had conquered your needs, you will be able to replace what does not work, accept what you cannot change, and accomplish what you want.”
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